Mike Bonners News letter

Mike's news is regarding the Sunday all day walk at Craven Arms on 20th September 2009 which was arranged and led by Rob Johnson.

Mike tells us that this walk was a superb walk, where 13 club members had a fantastic day and was blessed with brilliant views and good weather. However, walking in the country side can produce unfortunate times and an incident occurred walking towards the iron fort of Burrough Hill, we came across two sheep tangled in a wire mesh fence. Mike with his tools at the ready, as he is, freed the legs of the sheep and also lifted both sheep to safety.

The only part of this gallant effort by Mike which is not true is when the sheep gave him a sheepish grin. Baa Baa.

Words by Mike Bonner. Picture by Colin Buswell.

Belly Rolls

Date 24 September 2009 Number of hits on Web site is 5115

Mike Bonners Laughs.

1. I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother in law to the airport.

2. I've been in love with the same women for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me.

3. What are three words a women never wants to hear when she's make love? " Honey I'm home."

4. Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

7. My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a water bed. My wife called it the dead sea.

8. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. I was just in London; there was a six hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

10. The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man could'nt pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

11. The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, " Mrs Cohen, your cheque came back." " Mrs Cohen answered, " So did my arthritis!"

12. Doctor. "you'll live to be sixty" Patient " I am sixty" Doctor. " See ! What did I tell you?."

13. A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, " Doc, how do I stand?. The doctor says, " Thats what puzzles me!".

14. Patient. " I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor don't answer!.

15. A drunk was in front of the judge. The judge says, " your've been brought here for drinking. " The drunk says " Okay, lets get started."

Words by Mike Bonner. Picture by Colin Buswell

Photograph in Bridgnorth area by Colin Buswell.

Mike Bonners Funnies.

1. Rang up the Swine Flu centre, but all I could hear was some Crackling.

2. My wife was a terrible cook, where there was smoke there was dinner.

3. My wife went onto a sea food diet, when she sea's food she would eat it.

4. Then she went onto a balanced diet, a bar of chocolate in each hand.

5. I drive to fast to worry about cholesterol

6. I never criticise my wife's cooking, I just look at the plate,what happened? was the dog hungry.

7. How to keep flies out of the kitchen? Put a pile of manure in the living room.

8. (And finally ) Paul Gaston the famous chef was cremated yesterday. The service lasted 30 minutes at gas mark 6.

Picture by Colin Buswell Words by Mike Bonner

Mike Bonner's Rambles

This picture has been taken in the nature reserve local to Bumble hole by Colin Buswell.

Mike Bonner's Book Titles

1. How to be happy without money.
This book costs £189.00.
2. Carpet Laying by Walter Wall.
3. Dating Period Furniture by Ann Tiek.
4. How to make an Igloo by S.K. Mow.
5. I had a ploughman's lunch the other day then he punched me
6. Eating prunes gives you a good run for your money.
7. How do you get down off an elephant, you don't you get down off a duck.
8. A beautiful blond went into a bank and asked for a cash withdraw, the assistant asks can she I identify herself .
She ruffles through her handbag and pulls out a small mirror, glances at it and says, yes it is me alright.

Picture by Colin Buswell Words by Michael Bonner

The WWW's

I have been asked about the WWW's in our Club does anyone know who they are?.







Words and Picture by Colin Buswell

Mikes Laughs

Hey my Dentist advised me the best way to save my teeth.

1. Brush after every meal
2. Regular checkups at the Dentist
3. Keep your nose out of other peoples business.

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How does Michael Jackson pick is Nose.

From a Catalogue

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a lion.

A terrified Postman

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Words by Mike Bonner

Laugh a Minute

My grandad used to race pigeons - but he never used to win.

My cat is so clever, I sat it down by the fire, and said to it,
What is 2-2 and the cat said nothing.

A elderly Jew was arranging his funeral with the Rabbi. At the end of the discussion he said Oh I have forgot my Champion European Pigeon must be buried with me. The Rabbi said, we don't bury pigeons in our cemetery, the elderly man said that he had asked the local vicar to bury the pigeon, but he wanted £50.00. The rabbi thought for a moment and replied. Why did you not tell me that it was a Jewish pigeon!!.

Included by Mick Bonner